No Mercy
by TotalCitron
Summary: No one EVER gives Dr. Cox a break!


**A little fic about Perry/Dr. Cox's day. Hope you enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own it, I never owned it, and I will never own it – but I love it.**

"Hey Perry. Go get Jack, will you?" Jordan said as she sat idly in the armchair in the Sacred Heart.

"Can't you see I'm working – you're just sitting there, you get him," Perry replied, in-between conversation with Mrs. Stewart, his current patient.

"Uh, I just had my nails done, how could you possibly think that I could go get Jack?" Jordan said, sharply – blowing her newly painted, wine-red nails.

"Well, you're his mother and you have to because I'm not."

J.D slid up behind Dr. Cox, smiling at their conversational buzz, "Having a little bit of marriage trouble?"

"No, having a bit of Jordan-the-ignorant, lazy cow trouble," Dr. Cox replied, eyeing Jordan.

"Here's a tip, Elliot and I…"

"I don't give a damn about your stupid relationships or what you ate last night, or what conditioner you use in your hair…"

J.D interrupted, "Treseme – I recommend it."

"Or why peas are better than lentils, or that you and Turk fooled Carla, or that you have no resemblance of an interesting life whatsoever – you're becoming worse than Barbie," Dr. Cox finished his sentence after J.D had interrupted.

"I'm not going to take that as an offence – I've been going to yoga classes recently and," J.D got cut off by Dr. Cox.

"Oh, I forgot to add – I don't give a damn about your yoga classes either," he said, and with that J.D left whilst demonstrating his new breathing technique.

Just as Perry was about to leave, Ted came up to him, "Er, Dr. Cox?" Perry sighed, "I was just saw you run your hands through your hair and then not wash them."

"You're point?"

"It's very greasy and not great in a hospital – you should wash it," Ted finished, firmly insulting Dr. Cox.

J.D appeared again, "Dr. Cox, wash it with Treseme, I mean look at mine."

Dr. Cox waved his hands at an attempt to get the people bombarding him away, "J.D, you couldn't be more annoying even if you were Bugs Bunny with a shortage of carrots."

J.D's mind drifted off to his imagination.

_Imagination:_

"_What's up Duck?"_

"_What do you want J.D?"_

"_Don't my ears looked beautifully groomed and look at Elliot."_

"_Oh, yes – she's a bunny too."_

"_Yes, and you're mean old bear – but really huggable."_

_J.D. Bunny leant in for a big bear hug, but thundering footsteps came from the hall."_

"_It's devil woman – it's Jordan."_

_Jordan the devil came up behind J.D, "I took your carrots!"_

"_What. Nooooooo!"_

_Jordan the devil took out a carrot and began eating it whilst J.D. Bunny cried in despair._

Out of imagination:

J.D looked over at Jordan who was casually sprawled across the sofa eating a carrot stick. J.D whispered, "As I suspected."

"What?" Dr. Cox looked at J.D oddly.

J.D eyed Jordan as he backed away down the hall before he reached a safe distance and ran calling, "Turk, Turk – Jordan stole my carrots."

I moments silence passed before Jordan looked up at Perry, "What's he on?"

"A whole load of Appletinis."

Carla appeared from behind the desk, "Perry – could you do me a favor and…"

"Here are my 'today' rules: No favors, no questions, no patients, no Jordan, no J.D, no Ted, no Treseme, no Appletinis, no Jack and no Elliot," Perry interrupted.

"What about me and Turk?"

Dr. Cox mimed going through an imaginary list and then flipping it over and gasping, "oh, I must have missed that. No Turk, no Carla and no Miley Cyrus – but Miley Cyrus is fore-ever."

Carla span round and didn't say anymore. The Janitor came up to Perry, "Not you too?" Dr. Cox sighed.

"I have a plan."

"Really?"

"Yeah – to get rid of them."

"Okay."

"We fill the entire building with peanuts and let the squirrels drive them out."

"Genius – where do we get these peanuts from," Dr. Cox replied sarcastically.

"I have a collection but you can't have Ernie – he's my favourite."

"You're mad."

Finally it was the end of a long day, many questions and little answers. Dr. Cox was ready for a break – get out some scotch, turn on the sports, shut out all annoying noises. Perry was just about to switch off into a dream world in the car park when he heard the dreaded – Miley Cyrus blaring from a car; the worst was that it was J.D's car. J.D was with Turk and Elliot, drinking Appletinis, with his 'Treseme' hair and then everyone else walked past. When would he ever have a break, there was no mercy in this cruel world.


End file.
